Back from Indonesia!

Stepped out of the plane at 11pm and managed to catch the last train @ Changi Airport at 11.22pm and the 2nd last train @ Tanah Merah. PTL! :)

(This shows how efficient Singapore's airline management is =P)


You should have seen how I ran, while lugging my luggage... It was a FEAT. :)

But not the glam-est thing to do upon landing. Hahaha.



Trip was awesome!
Lots of FOOOOOD and laughter lol.

Touched by the warm hospitality and generosity of Sofi and her family and Pastor Anton and family (My previous hosts). Everything was so well taken care of... I couldn't ask for more. Thank God for the blessing =') Really appreciate it all and wish I had more to offer... :(




So now I'm back home, and it's New Year's Eve. People have been talking about their resolutions and I haven't even given a thought about 2010 and the things I wanna achieve.

I go to school and it's all _____ planned out right.


I am going to obtain my Grade 6 music theory, Grade 7 piano, get through 2 _____ semesters, some periods of attachment, some performances... Maybe start kicking up my dream somehow.

Sometimes it's depressing being trapped in my tiny world, being so self-absorbed and caught up in my own ambitions.

I believe there's so much more to life than this.


But it's daunting just thinking about 2010.

Had a wonderful night with Cai and Steph @ Orchard! Hahaha. Loving my holidays! :)

Will be flying off later to Medan with Gary and meeting Sofi @ the airport there. We will fatten ourselves up and return with more of ourselves to love! Hahaha.

Wish I could spend Christmas here though... What is Christmas without going to church!!! :(

Then again, there isn't much of a holiday if I spend it in Singapore. Somehow, there's always things I have to do.



Well, till then, may your holiday be filled with loveee and joyyy! Merry Christmas! :)

It's 4.15am.

And I'm up just because. =P

Reading up about music in hospitals... I think about my dream constantly, sometimes the enormity of it brings tears to my eyes. I know it is possible if I want to make it happen.

I just had an idea and I think it's pretty cool. Wiu! Gotta seek some advice first~ And I'm gonna email my orchestra ic right NOW... Lol. Some things I don't procrastinate haha.

I'm so excited to see God's plan slowly unfolding itself!


Hope to see the manifestation of my dream within the next 5 years.

It's all for His glory.
For I am nothing without His grace.

Had a great time @ home today! Just chilling and practising on my instruments. :)

Simple pleasures of life :)


~~~



"If this feeling is not from You, please take it away!
What am I suppose to do with it???"

I've made this prayer before, and the amazing thing was, the very next day, the liking feeling was gone. It happened twice.

But this time, it's been with me for the longest time (I mean it). I can't shake it away though I tried. What more can I do?

Yay done with attachment.
Considering if I should take up sponsorship from NUH...
If so, I'll have $950/month but will be bonded for 2 ____ years.


My life's too unpredictable to do so man... 1 year of bond will be just fine. So maybe I should just wait till my third year to be sponsored IF it's still possible.

By the time I graduate from NUS, I'd have completed my Grade 8 piano (hopefully) and going on to Diploma... That's my plan for now, don't know if I can manage.


~~~


It was an emo Saturday, a leave-me-alone day.

Had 2 performances, 1 @ EXPO and the other @ Jurong West.

We played Handel's "For Unto Us A Child Is Born" with the choir.

I was real happy about the performance @ JW. Honestly, I have never felt so happy about our performances thus far except for today's.

Our conductor gave thumbs-up for the choir after performance on stage and I was beaming with joy seeing him so happy. Wish I could freeze the moment.


After which I went back to being emo.

Expo's was fine but I thought the entire place was too big that we sounded kinda 'empty'.

Anyway, 2 more performances later, a dinner and it's holiday officially. :)

Yipee, attachment will end tmr!!!

It's such a relief to know that.


We need our holidays! The rest of NUS are probably already bored of theirs?




Oh by the way, my tolerance for ill-mannered people is floor low. What's wrong with them? One encounter with such people, will automatically put them on my blacklist. The magic words "Please" and "Thank you" have been taught since we were little kids, that shows how important they are.

Sacarsm, when used for obvious 'harmless' fun, can be real funny. However, when used without the tiniest hint of humour, is just plain annoying. Stop it. Those people will immediately be keyed into my blacklist too and will be avoided at all cost.

For example. An incident today...

Me: Is there any insulin injection to be given later?
Staff nurse: *Silent*
Me: (Did she hear me or not?)
Me: *Repeated the question*
Staff nurse: *glare* I am serving medication now.
Me: (What the hell) Ok fine.


Yes, by right, staff nurses who are serving medications have the right not to be 'disturbed'. But seriously, she could have just ______ answer a monosyllabic 'yes' or a 'no' instead of the 9-syllabic answer which doesn't answer to my question in any way.

Such is the life of a nursing student. Damn.




It doesn't matter if we're their juniors or that they are our seniors, it's a matter of their stupid attitude which needs to be addressed. (But I just can't be bothered with these people) So, I hope to be more vocal next time, if I care enough to.

I mean, there's nothing to be afraid of if your conscience is clear and you're doing so not out of disrepecting them but to genuinely *ahem* want them to better themselves. If they have a pride issue, then that's another story.




Day was otherwise all well. :)
Lots of FOOD and laughter from morn till night! :)
I'm so looking forward to 9pm. FINAL LAP.
No drama please.

Watched a concert @ Esplanade earlier by the Orchestra of the Music Makers and the Western Australia Youth Orchestra in which a friend was performing in. Over there, I saw a few other friends performing in it.

I could only watch from afar...

I mean, without discipline and determination, what's there to talk about right?



Furthermore, all these nursing and school stuff are enough to congest my mind. I went home after work today and didn't even touch my piano. Or even wanted to.

Managed to change my shift from Saturday to Tuesday (today) which is supposed to be my day off. So I'll be on a 6-day nursing marathon. And every day has its own drama and challenges!

Really need God's grace to see me through... I know I'm more than a conqueror in Christ! :)

Oh and I gave my first injection today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing went wrong. Congrats!

I had to give 2 injections simultaneously on the same patient. One was just a fineeee needle and the other was thicker. It was kinda hard poking through using the thick needle and 0.0 the injection site bled. Patient had "no feelings" though. So all well.




Will be performing for all 4 services this weekend too, which means travelling to and fro Jurong West and Expo. This is probably the craziest of weeks. And it's only Monday.........


Holiday plans look good though.
Work hard and play hardER! Heh heh.

Friday was probably the most dramatic day of my life.


It started off like any other day, woke up at 6:10am, excited to go to the hospital.

Never did I know that I would be the last person a patient would talk to. And her last words would be that she wanted to die to end her suffering.

A nurse saw her foaming in the mouth about 5 minutes after she told me that, and pressed for "Code Blue" when she couldn't feel her pulse. Many doctors and nurses rushed to her bed. It was a total chaos. A nurse was furiously pumping her chest.

I was traumatized.

Prior to that, I had been by her side, talking to her in my limited Hokkien as I saw that her breakfast was untouched. It was a monologue as she was grunting all along.

Finally, she complained of nausea and wanted me to bring her a bag. So I did, and highlighted to the staff nurse about it.

I continued staying by her side until I had to do something else. The next thing I knew, she passed on.


She gave up living. Just like that.

Could this happen if I had stayed longer with her?


I had assumed that those words about wanting to die was said out of frustration, as we often use the word "die" so casually. I didn't know that a person can die just by deciding he/she wants to. Is it all in the mind???

It intrigued me to think about the human willpower. How can one actually buy time when death is presented in front of one's face? Never underestimate the power of one thought.



~~~



After work, I went over to the School of Business for a 15-minute survey of which I earned $10 hehehe.

At the bus-stop on the way back, a stranger approached me for direction of which I wasn't of much help. But that led us to talk about us. :) She was from America and an ex-NUS student studying about Policy and is now working with MOH as a policy maker.

Then she asked about me, what am I doing blabla and was very surprised and elated that I'm taking Nursing in NUS. She went 0.0

After which I found that she was a nurse back in America and is currently taking her PhD in Nursing here. I went 0.0

She told me that in 1989, she had proposed to implement advanced study in Nursing in Singapore as she believed that Nursing is more than just technical work. However, back then, our government wasn't receptive to that yet.

So, it took them over a decade to actually realise or do something about it.

We have her to thank for sowing a little seed. :)


We could have blabber on further about nursing, about our plans, I mean what is the probability of the both of us meeting in NUS School of Business on a Friday afternoon during the holidays??? :)

But her bus came and we didn't have time to exchange numbers. She asked for my name again and said that she'll check up the directory. I don't know how she is going to do so, but I hope she does contact me somehow!



What a beautiful encounter! :)

Day off! :)

Last 2 days @ NUH were great. I was assigned to 2 itchy scratcy patients. One has chicken pox-like signs and another has body rash all over (probably due to lymphoma). We are now waiting for the results of diagnosis.

Of course I have my own concerns and apprehension since we wouldn't know as yet if the diseases are contagious. Whatever it is, I think to be professional means not letting those stand in our way to providing the best nursing care.




Anywayyy...




I watched "2012" last night @ Vivo hahaha. It's awesome!!! I love the dramatic effects. It's both thrilling and amusing. :) Oh and slightly touching.

Go watch it before it is no longer in the theatres! It requires cinematic effects for total enjoyment lol...



Ok till then!

End of my little pseudo holiday~


Friday - Stayed over at Jeff's :)
Saturday - Town with best friend! :)
Sunday - Concert with Sofi and Leon :)


Quite sociable, not bad lol...

Wish I could post the pics! But I have to go through my lappie which is currently in a comatose state.

~~~



Well, the 3 of us had a little discussion over dinner after the concert, regarding matters of the HEART. :)

Don't you think relationship issues are so complex? There are so much ambiguity, greyness and unspoken rules to abide to. It makes dumb even the most intelligent.

You know all those crap we question in our heads?

If he does this or say that, does that mean _____??? (Classic)
What if he doesn't like me?!
Dear God, if he's THE ONE then ____.



And you analyse and discuss with your girlfriends, guy friends and yourself. To stop those bothersome thoughts, you find ways and means to convince yourself that he doesn't like you because he doesn't do 1.____ 2._____ 3._____ .

And so you concluded that he doesn't like you. Good.

But that stubborn feeling still clings on to you like a sloth to a tree! Bad.

And you wish he could just tell you directly if 1. He likes you. or 2. He doesn't.

However, it means that prior to that, you have to CONFESS your feelings to him, which being an innately shy girl (like me), will never buckle up enough courage to do such a thing.

Hence, at the end of the day, when the sun sets and the cows go home, you are still left hanging.


~ The (not-so-happy) End ~




Due to my inexperience on this matter *ahem*, this is all I can say hahaha


~~~



Ok, ATTACHMENT TIME @ NUH in a few hours.

I can't predict what will happen in the ward. Never will.

But I am going to be the best nurse I know how... :)

@ Jeff's guest room


Here I am, awake at 4am while chilling to Alison Krauss, thinking about my plans for next week and basically just relishing in the luxury of wasting time.

My body clock has screwed up. Lol... This is what happens after exams and during holidays. Mornings are non-existent.

Well, I think this is good training to be a nurse - to mess up your body clock as much as possible hahaha.


Sometimes I wonder if I will be a good nurse in future. Having a degree doesn't mean much, it only allows a headstart. It puts you in a better position initially. What you do with what you have is what matters after.

My ultimate vision is to introduce music into local hospitals. I don't know how is that possible, but I'm gonna start it somehow...





Music is really powerful I think. It has the ability to change the entire atmosphere. Stale air suddenly has life and energy in it. So, hopefully my patients will somehow get better.

I looked at my patients and think it'd be so boring for them to lie on the bed all day, so it's good to have some entertainment too.

Musicians need to have a little more human touch as well. So it's a win-win situation.


Perfect.

We shall see what happens 5 years down the road.



~~~


Stuff like that often run through my mind.

Cos they are real nagging thoughts.

Like how I couldn't run away from thoughts calling me to be a nurse, though it's never my childhood dream. But until I address it, they will never cease haunting me.


Just like practising my instruments.

I am reminded of it day in and out.




And him...
Ok nvm...

And now exams are over.
Good for me, I hate exams.

Even more so when you hear teachers saying things like "We do not want to fail you cos we have to write a lot to justify why you should fail."

Seems like everyone just wanna get over and done with.


~~~

So, with my free time, my new hobbies include solving sudoku puzzles :) and reading.

Current book is "A Beautiful Mind" which talks about the life of John Nash, a superbly intelligent but socially awkward mathematician, who happpens to hate studying secondhand information.

So in a way I have a little of his trait, not bad hahaha.

I'm referring to Science especially.


Aren't they all merely hypothesis waiting to be proven wrong?

In fact, there is no such thing as a fact.

Think about it.


~~~


Anyway, enough of those...
I wanna talk about DISNEY!!!! :)




Recently, I came across a comment which disturbed me.

Someone said that "Disney is a lie."

In defend of my all-time favourite and the one who makes the world a lot happier - Mr Disney, I would like to refute that statement. :)


Firstly, if you don't already know, Disney is fictional. Cartoons? Fiction.

You don't actually see flying carpets and fairy godmother. The very thing people love Disney for - his unrestricted careless imagination and boundless creativity.

True, there is always a happy ending but isn't it the same for most movies? And isn't it how most people would like?





Disney depicts dreamy fairytale love stories which would probably cause delusion in some people. Then again, it is fictional..... And you notice how the stories always end just after a couple gets married? Lol.

In my opinion, to think that Disney is a lie, is to put oneself in the shoes of the characters and live in that make-believe world, only to realise it does not happen in reality.

And you get all upset, blaming Disney for LYING and deceiving generations of kids.


It is good to be remember that Disney is created for entertainment purposes. And just appreciate the colours, humour and fun!


I loveee Disney!!!! :)!

Pop in again! :)

I'm so excited about my last paper tomorrow. :) And looking forward to my 2-week attachment NEXT WEEK. :) I'm posted to NUH again... And Oncology ward AGAIN... :)

Not complaining cos I like Oncology. I don't know why the inclination towards it... I guess it is similar as to how I like the name "Charles". For no particular reason at all. :)

And hospitals are not all gloom and doom. In it, you find patients who are more alive, more optimistic and mentally stronger than some of the "normal" people you know.



You see the manifestation of love as spouses stay by the bedsides, day and night. Indeed holding on to the vow they made decades ago - To be faithful "In sickness and in health, till death do us part."

How heartwarming is that.

You see a son bringing in a foldable bed just so he could sleep beside his mum and be there with her through the night.

You talk to a homeless patient and his toothless grin is the most beautiful one you've seen.

You see the fighting spirit of patients as they silently endure their absurd treatments and share hopefully about their plans after discharge.



And you walk out of the hospital and see people who look like they would rather be dead. You read in papers of how people voluntarily end their lives over the littlest of things.

How bizarre.

Day was fine, took a 5-hour nap in the afternoon, practised my instruments and stuff...

Until when I finally put myself to study and needed the internet for some medical jargons... For eg: Alopecia. Which I found out, simply means HAIR LOSS.

Anyway, that's not the point. THE point is, when I used the family computer, I discovered that my account has been DELETED. It means that my collection of pictures (and whatever memories) from my JC days onwards are all GONE. Argh... The holiday trip with dad...

Why can't people just leave my stuff alone?!


And now I'm searching fantically for any remnants of pictures in this com. This could have been totally unnecessary.

Damn.

Announcement:

I will be away from the virtual world for a substantial amount of time from now.

 

 

Reason being, my lappie’s fan became malfunctioned out of the blue. Oh the random happenings of my life.

This causes my lappie to be real hot after about merely 5-10 minutes and thereafter it will just burn up and shut down by itself.

My oh my… What has the owner done that it should suffer this fate.

Haha.

Well, I guess it’s a blessing in disguise, my piano and cello are now rejoicing. If they have legs, they would be leaping hysterically.

They can have my undivided attention now as they will be my only entertainment at home.

 

Ok, my lappie is getting hotter now, I gotta go beofre it explodes or something. Hahahhaa…

I actually thought of putting it in my freezer and using it from there… Lol. Brilliant idea!

Will be procrastinating the repair, sooo… Till then. :)

A thought crossed my mind…

What if tomorrow never comes?

 

I’ll be darn depressed, even as I lie in my coffin, to know that I’ve spent the last day of my precious life studying about our immune system.

At least I’ve also spent my last day with my beloved piano playing my favourite songs…

I really hope there are many pianos in heaven. I don’t know what they’ll be made of though… Maybe gold? Are there elephants there too? Then maybe ivory…

I think I will make a will in future for my piano… (In case people burn it for me =X) I will probably donate it to a kid who wants to learn piano so much but could not afford to.

Or maybe to an orphanage where the piano could be a source of joy for them… Where happy songs can be emitted from it and bring smiles upon many faces. :)

Whatever it is, I will definitely not let it merely be a decorative object. What a wasted life~

If my piano has a mind of his own, I wonder what he will think of me? We’ve been together for the past 8-9 years already and have gone through my life’s most dramatic periods together.

He’s my first and only.

I remember my parents bringing me to this piano shop to shop for a piano (A bit duh…) And I remember going around tinkling with the keys on a few pianos.

When I reached THE ONE, I don’t know, but I started playing “Silent Night” on it. Of course with just one hand then. The shop keeper heard it and told my parents I played well.
(You have to say something like that to sell your pianos!!!)

And so it became MINE. :) Until now, I am still very much in love with my piano.

I hope to keep improving so that he can manifest his beauty even more heh heh. I believe he can do much more than this… :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is becoming increasingly prosaic.

 

 

 

 

I need to watch some cartoons.

Alone @ Tiffy’s hostel

 

Life is totally mundane now…

That stuff like this pink rubber ball is able to stir up some curiosity and interest.

 

Anyway, I’m glad to break my record by swimming 26 laps yesterday. Haha… It’s this kinda cheap thrill that keeps us happily sane.

Dad picked me up from school and he told me about his experience giving a safety talk in front of 300 odd people.

He told me if you feel nervous at the 300 pairs of eyes staring at you, just look at 1 person and keep talking to him.

Lol…

He also translated for someone whose English was so broken, he didn’t even understand what he was talking about. And so he just added in his own points lol…

All good in the end. :)
So proud of him~

 

We just gotta learn how to act spontaneously in impromptu situations. It’s one of life’s survival skills. On the contrary, “acting blur” is also essential sometimes hahaha. But of cos it’s not something we should cultivate and depend upon lol…

 

 

My dad also said this, “When you are popular, there will be some people who don’t like you, but who cares?”

(It was a general statement, not referring to anyone in particular.)

I like the last part… WHO CARES!!!!!!

 

Coincidentally, when I reached home, someone came and talked to me on msn. I don’t know why but she started commenting on my looks, and had issues with my skin colour, hair and weight…

And even how often I change my msn picture… (Like once in a week or 2)

Saying “My picture is always the same, I don’t have to keep reminding people how hot I am.”

My hair stood up 90 degrees.

“Ha… Ok…”

 

0.0

Me being me, I didn’t even bother to retort, what’s the good in the end? It’s too trivial and doesn’t even matter at all.

Spent the entire day with my laptop, trying to study.

It was just not the best thing to do in one day.

On the bus ride back, I attempted to ‘artistically’ arranged some words out of randomness…

 

Somewhere in my memory
Lies a picture of you and me
A moment frozen in time
Captured with no place to run

 

And then my mind went blank. :)

Please help to continue if you want hahaha…

I had no one in mind when I wrote that, so it was just plain spontaneous.
In case you wonder…

 

 

The thought of having 2 more weeks of today is just… =/

Wind concert @ the Esplanade by “Westwind” featuring cartoon fantasies hehehehe.

I love cartoons!!! :)

I went mainly for “My Neighbour Totoro” and “Enchanted”, not a big fan of winds though. =P

It was my first time watching a concert being “engulfed” by crying babies, dancing tods and talking teenagers with no concert etiquettes at all.

It was a free concert so I guess there was no age limit? And people were probably less appreciative and attentive.

The entire experience was kinda distressing due to the cacophony of sounds/noises. Influx of soundwaves collided unfashionably in the air and we became its unfortunate victims.

The tods were so cute though, they were dancing to “Doraemon”!!! Lol. What child-like innocence, oblivious to the surrounding happenings.

I like! :)

 

 

 

 

And it’s the exam break next week. I’ll probably still be going back to school because it is almost impossible to study at home or in my room.

Heh heh…